Monday, August 03, 2009
From Annie:
A young man around 18-20 comes in, wearing nothing but tight-fitting underwear and rollerblades. He's sweating profusely and is wandering/rolling aimlessly, clearly unfamiliar with the store. I ask if I can help him find something, he says no. I ask if he's a member here, he says no. I ask if he'd like to open up an account, he becomes very agitated.
"Is there a problem?" he asks.
"Well, honestly, you're rollerblading indoors and you're practically naked and it doesn't look like you plan on renting anything."
"Do you have a problem with how I'm dressed?"
"Frankly, yes. I'd prefer it if you put on a shirt, and maybe shoes, and, um, pants."
"There's no sign that says I need those things to be in here."
"Listen, are you going to open an account?"
"Are you going to open your mind?"
"Nope. Mind's all closed up for the day."
"Whatever, I'm leaving. I was just in here for the a/c, I'm waiting for my girlfriend."
"Lucky her."
He rolls out the door.
A few "overheard at vfb's"
Two tweens browsing on a packed weekend night:
"Oh my gosh, we have to get The Notebook. It's so good, it's like Twilight times a billion!"
A couple trying to decide on something:
Girl: "Can we get Hitch?"
Guy: "Can you get real?"
Monday, October 10, 2005
Somewhere in Brooklyn
Young European guy comes in clutching a map.
Excuse me, I'm trying to find Asmatic Kitty Records.
Sorry, never heard of it.
Do you have a phone book?
No, I don't. Do you know the address?
No, I know it's somewhere in Brooklyn.
In Brooklyn?!
Yeah, is it a big area?
Yeah, it's the largest borough in New York.
Oh, I was hoping it was around here.
Young European guy comes in clutching a map.
Excuse me, I'm trying to find Asmatic Kitty Records.
Sorry, never heard of it.
Do you have a phone book?
No, I don't. Do you know the address?
No, I know it's somewhere in Brooklyn.
In Brooklyn?!
Yeah, is it a big area?
Yeah, it's the largest borough in New York.
Oh, I was hoping it was around here.
Saturday, May 29, 2004
A Fellow Bidnezz Man
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Guy walks in, asking if the Onion paper is free. He starts making a stack on the counter, taking one or two each of free paper.
What kind of store is this?
It’s a DVD rental store.
Oh, ok. I run a business and I can provide you with, you know, things you need if you give me a business card.
What kind of business?
All kinds, you know, things related to your business. Things to sell…
Uh, no thanks.
He takes a card anyway.
Dead Man Acting
Sunday, March 28th, 2004
(Pointing up to the Rashomon poster) Hey, that’s Toshiro Mifune, the guy who was in Kill Bill…
From the VFB Credit Dept.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
What do you need to get a membership here?
Driver’s License and a VISA or Mastercard.
Tell me something, why do you need a credit card…
Well…
…Tell me, doesn’t it make more sense to give memberships to people who don’t have credit cards than people who do? I mean if you have credit cards, you have a lot of debt and if you don’t have credit cards, you have more money in your pockets, am I right?
Well…
I mean, why would you give memberships to people with all that debt…
(I start slinking away)
I have great credit and money in the bank but I don’t have a credit card.
Ok, buddy.
(Still talking as he leaves)
The Kid Is Not My Son
Thursday, February 4th, 2004
Guy points to the pictures of customer babies on the wall. “Is that your son?”
“No, these are 8 different white kids… none of whom are mine.”
“Well, some of them are more tanned than you.”
I grimace.
“Ok, have a great night.” Guy makes gun-pointing gesture, winks and makes clicky noise as he exits.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Guy walks in, asking if the Onion paper is free. He starts making a stack on the counter, taking one or two each of free paper.
What kind of store is this?
It’s a DVD rental store.
Oh, ok. I run a business and I can provide you with, you know, things you need if you give me a business card.
What kind of business?
All kinds, you know, things related to your business. Things to sell…
Uh, no thanks.
He takes a card anyway.
Dead Man Acting
Sunday, March 28th, 2004
(Pointing up to the Rashomon poster) Hey, that’s Toshiro Mifune, the guy who was in Kill Bill…
From the VFB Credit Dept.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
What do you need to get a membership here?
Driver’s License and a VISA or Mastercard.
Tell me something, why do you need a credit card…
Well…
…Tell me, doesn’t it make more sense to give memberships to people who don’t have credit cards than people who do? I mean if you have credit cards, you have a lot of debt and if you don’t have credit cards, you have more money in your pockets, am I right?
Well…
I mean, why would you give memberships to people with all that debt…
(I start slinking away)
I have great credit and money in the bank but I don’t have a credit card.
Ok, buddy.
(Still talking as he leaves)
The Kid Is Not My Son
Thursday, February 4th, 2004
Guy points to the pictures of customer babies on the wall. “Is that your son?”
“No, these are 8 different white kids… none of whom are mine.”
“Well, some of them are more tanned than you.”
I grimace.
“Ok, have a great night.” Guy makes gun-pointing gesture, winks and makes clicky noise as he exits.
Monday, February 02, 2004
How Much For Trash?
Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
Older guy (who never buys anything) come in and browses the used video section.
Do you have "Two Women?" You know, with Sophia Loren?
No, I don't.
I got it on tape, it's a great movie.
If you have it, why'd you ask me if I had it?
Oh, I wanted to see if you would buy it. (Whispers) How much you give me for "Two Women?"
On tape?
Yeah.
A buck.
You're kidding! I wouldn't give that away for a buck!
Then don't.
I mean I wouldn't let that go for less than 5 bucks.
Ok, keep it.
You got "Trash?" Andy Warhol?
No.
I tell you, you put "Trash" and uh, what was that other movie?
"Two Women?"
Yeah, you put those two on your shelves and they'll rent just like that.
I don't rent videos, just DVDs.
Is that right? So what did you do with all the videos?
Sold 'em.
How much did they go for?
I don't remember, but they're gone now.
So what happens to the billions of videos out there?
*shrug*
Wow, what a shame.
Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
Older guy (who never buys anything) come in and browses the used video section.
Do you have "Two Women?" You know, with Sophia Loren?
No, I don't.
I got it on tape, it's a great movie.
If you have it, why'd you ask me if I had it?
Oh, I wanted to see if you would buy it. (Whispers) How much you give me for "Two Women?"
On tape?
Yeah.
A buck.
You're kidding! I wouldn't give that away for a buck!
Then don't.
I mean I wouldn't let that go for less than 5 bucks.
Ok, keep it.
You got "Trash?" Andy Warhol?
No.
I tell you, you put "Trash" and uh, what was that other movie?
"Two Women?"
Yeah, you put those two on your shelves and they'll rent just like that.
I don't rent videos, just DVDs.
Is that right? So what did you do with all the videos?
Sold 'em.
How much did they go for?
I don't remember, but they're gone now.
So what happens to the billions of videos out there?
*shrug*
Wow, what a shame.
Once Were Confused
Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
Girl 1: Have you seen "Once Were Warriors?"
Girl 2: No, is it good?
Girl 1: Yeah, it's really intense. I had to see it for school.
Girl 2: Let's get it!
Girl 1: Well, it's pretty intense, you sure you wanna go there?
Girl 2: I would love to go there. Doesn't it take place in New York?
Girl 1: New Zealand.
Guy: It's about violence in the Maori community in New Zealand.
Girl 1: No, I don't think so...
Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
Girl 1: Have you seen "Once Were Warriors?"
Girl 2: No, is it good?
Girl 1: Yeah, it's really intense. I had to see it for school.
Girl 2: Let's get it!
Girl 1: Well, it's pretty intense, you sure you wanna go there?
Girl 2: I would love to go there. Doesn't it take place in New York?
Girl 1: New Zealand.
Guy: It's about violence in the Maori community in New Zealand.
Girl 1: No, I don't think so...
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Warner Brothers, you're on my shitlist.
WB is the only movie company that still uses those annoying snapper cases for their DVD releases. Remember the first Matrix DVD? When you get those cases dirty, scuffed or torn, you're SOL. As a video store owner, I can't replace these cases when they get worn. I'm gonna send em some hate mail & see what they say about it. Hopefully it'll go the way of the long CD package (remember those?)
WB is the only movie company that still uses those annoying snapper cases for their DVD releases. Remember the first Matrix DVD? When you get those cases dirty, scuffed or torn, you're SOL. As a video store owner, I can't replace these cases when they get worn. I'm gonna send em some hate mail & see what they say about it. Hopefully it'll go the way of the long CD package (remember those?)
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Ok, so there haven't been many weirdos in the store lately. Am I really going to complain about that? How about a list instead? Since I still haven't seen everything that came out in 2003, here's a tentative BEST OF list. Will be revised, I'm sure.
Dan's Best of 2003 List
1. Spellbound
2. 28 Days Later
3. Monster
4. Lost in Translation
5. Elephant
6. The Station Agent
7. Dirty Pretty Things
8. City of God
9. Capturing the Friedmans
Ok, so I only have 9. Here's a list of movies (I haven't yet seen) that could potentially make the list:
Bus 174
Winged Migration
Manito
Girlhood
Look for a finalized list to posted in the store around... let's say, April.
p.s. does anyone read this blog? If so, let us know at videofreebrooklyn@yahoo.com
Dan's Best of 2003 List
1. Spellbound
2. 28 Days Later
3. Monster
4. Lost in Translation
5. Elephant
6. The Station Agent
7. Dirty Pretty Things
8. City of God
9. Capturing the Friedmans
Ok, so I only have 9. Here's a list of movies (I haven't yet seen) that could potentially make the list:
Bus 174
Winged Migration
Manito
Girlhood
Look for a finalized list to posted in the store around... let's say, April.
p.s. does anyone read this blog? If so, let us know at videofreebrooklyn@yahoo.com
Friday, October 24, 2003
Irresponsible & Unresponsive
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Guy comes in for the third time today trying to sell me crappy videos & DVDs. He comes in and says in a sing-song voice, “I couldn’t get into my father’s house so these are all I have…”
He pulls a bunch of DVDs and Videos out of his pants.
Disgusted, I ask him, “you don’t have a bag or anything?”
“No, it’s just I don’t want people seeing me selling videos or nothin’.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just not me, you know? I’m broke.”
I tell him I can only use one DVD and that I’ve turned down some of the other stuff already today.
He asks me if he can leave the unsold stuff here for a while.
“No, you should take ‘em with you.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re yours and I don’t want to be responsible for them.”
He stands and ponders this like it was the meaning of God, then goes over to the pile of Village Voice’s on the ground and starts to stash his DVDs behind them, saying, “You won’t be responsible.”
Fed up, I yell, “What are you doing?! This is not a storage facility.”
He sighs and picks up his stuff.
I give him a bag and he ambles out, promising to bring “better stuff”.
I consider getting a restraining order.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Guy comes in for the third time today trying to sell me crappy videos & DVDs. He comes in and says in a sing-song voice, “I couldn’t get into my father’s house so these are all I have…”
He pulls a bunch of DVDs and Videos out of his pants.
Disgusted, I ask him, “you don’t have a bag or anything?”
“No, it’s just I don’t want people seeing me selling videos or nothin’.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just not me, you know? I’m broke.”
I tell him I can only use one DVD and that I’ve turned down some of the other stuff already today.
He asks me if he can leave the unsold stuff here for a while.
“No, you should take ‘em with you.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re yours and I don’t want to be responsible for them.”
He stands and ponders this like it was the meaning of God, then goes over to the pile of Village Voice’s on the ground and starts to stash his DVDs behind them, saying, “You won’t be responsible.”
Fed up, I yell, “What are you doing?! This is not a storage facility.”
He sighs and picks up his stuff.
I give him a bag and he ambles out, promising to bring “better stuff”.
I consider getting a restraining order.
Don't They All Have Dwarves?
Friday, October 17, 2003
Couple gets Sleeping Beauty for their young son.
Husband: “Is this the one with the dwarves?”
Wife: “No, that’s Snow White.”
“What happens in this?”
“This young woman is cursed by a witch. She pricks her fingers and sleeps for 100 years and wakes up in a forest…”
“So much drama.”
Friday, October 17, 2003
Couple gets Sleeping Beauty for their young son.
Husband: “Is this the one with the dwarves?”
Wife: “No, that’s Snow White.”
“What happens in this?”
“This young woman is cursed by a witch. She pricks her fingers and sleeps for 100 years and wakes up in a forest…”
“So much drama.”
Night of the Singer
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Guy comes in, looks up at Night of the Hunter on the TV.
“Sounds like Judy Garland.”
“No, this is Night of the Hunter.”
“Well, it sounds like Judy Garland.”
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Guy comes in, looks up at Night of the Hunter on the TV.
“Sounds like Judy Garland.”
“No, this is Night of the Hunter.”
“Well, it sounds like Judy Garland.”
I've Got Seven Samurai and...
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Guy pointing up to Rashomon poster, “The director who did that movie – I have all his movies.”
“You have all 32 of his movies?”
“Oh… I have like 20-some. I didn’t know he had that many movies.”
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Guy pointing up to Rashomon poster, “The director who did that movie – I have all his movies.”
“You have all 32 of his movies?”
“Oh… I have like 20-some. I didn’t know he had that many movies.”
Forget Shaft, Here's Kissinger
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Guy holds up Trials of Henry Kissinger, “Have you seen this?”
“Yeah, it’s good.”
“Is it tainted?”
“What do you mean?”
“Does it have an agenda?”
“Well, yeah. It’ll unlearn some history you think you know about American and international history.”
Putting it back. “That’s a bad motherfucker.”
Girlfriend laughs, a little embarrassed.
“He is!” Guy reiterates. “He asked Barbara Walters if she had an STD. Anyone who sleeps with Barbara Walters has an STD. I think it’s considered an STD if you sleep with Barbara Walters."
As he walks out, he adds, "That guy did more for his country than the past 3 presidents.”
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Guy holds up Trials of Henry Kissinger, “Have you seen this?”
“Yeah, it’s good.”
“Is it tainted?”
“What do you mean?”
“Does it have an agenda?”
“Well, yeah. It’ll unlearn some history you think you know about American and international history.”
Putting it back. “That’s a bad motherfucker.”
Girlfriend laughs, a little embarrassed.
“He is!” Guy reiterates. “He asked Barbara Walters if she had an STD. Anyone who sleeps with Barbara Walters has an STD. I think it’s considered an STD if you sleep with Barbara Walters."
As he walks out, he adds, "That guy did more for his country than the past 3 presidents.”
Mistaken Trekdentities
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Guy walks in to return movie sees DeForest Kelley speaking in the movies Trekkies.
“George Takei! I love George Takei!”
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Guy walks in to return movie sees DeForest Kelley speaking in the movies Trekkies.
“George Takei! I love George Takei!”
Free Your Mind...
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Guy walks by the store with some friends, points up at the sign, “How do they make money if it’s free?”
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Guy walks by the store with some friends, points up at the sign, “How do they make money if it’s free?”
Dan Wu Versus the Bronx Bomber
Friday, September 12th, 2003
A middle-aged Latino guy with a ruddy face, bad haircut, and penchant for track suits comes into the store for the 5th time this week. He first came in to sell a bag full of crappy straight-to-video VHS tapes, most of them bootlegs. I turned him down despite his begging and faulty reasoning (but these are GOOD!) He ends up browsing and buying several tapes. Each time, he tries to bargain me down, sometimes, beyond reason (Let me have these three $5 tapes for $10!). I end up cutting him a small break and he leaves.
An hour later, he’s back to buy more tapes, again bargaining me down, talking about how he has to have $2 to get wall the way back to the Bronx.
The next day, he’s back, again with a plethora of plastic bags, again with his heroic stories of “coming all the way from the Bronx.” He buys a few DVDs and tapes. By now, I’m very sick of him and don’t budge on the prices at all, hoping my stinginess will drive his business elsewhere. No such luck. He offers to give me $10 for a $12 DVD and to give me the $2 later. I tell him I’ll hold the DVD for him until he has all of it. He leaves for a few minutes and comes back for the DVD.
Today, I’m outside talking to the owner of Tuk Tuk (a nearby Thai restaurant that I requent) about the trials and travails of small business. I see him coming and instinctively wanted to block the door. He’s holding the $2 copy of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids tape in his hands. He says he wants to exchange it because it was this other cartoon on it. I read the box and see that the tape includes a bonus Roger Rabbit short film. “I don’t wanna watch that! I bought it for the movie.” I resist the urge to laugh and tell him that he doesn’t HAVE TO watch it. Not understanding me, he says, “Well, I bought it for the movie, not that cartoon. It’s old, like from a hundred years ago.” I try to explain to him that I can’t exchange it for him for two reasons: One – Videos $2 and under we don’t exchange at all (pointing to the sign). Two – It’s not a legitimate reason for a return. Undeterred, he continues, “Well, if you had been honest with me to begin with, I wouldn’t have bought it.” I point to the picture on the box, “It says right here that it includes the Roger Rabbit cartoon.” Flustered, he replies, “I didn’t know what that was! I get it home and I have to sit through that before I can watch my movie!” I tell him he can always fast-forward through it. He looks at me like he’s not strong or smart enough to push that particular button on his remote. In fact, he looks as if he was unaware of that function altogether. I also suspect he might be illiterate.
Getting nowhere, I skip to my final answer: “Ok, you’re not gonna convince me and I’m not gonna convince you. Take the video and take your business elsewhere.”
Looking surprised that it’s come to this, he protests, “I can’t shop here?”
“No, you’re obviously unhappy with our store and we’re unhappy with dealing with you. So take your video and go.”
“I apologize. Look, let’s just put it all behind us.” He changes tact (or is schizophrenic).
“I don’t need your apology, just leave, please.”
“Look, I came all the way from the Bronx, it cost me $4 to get down here…”
“Then save your money and shop somewhere closer to you.” I interrupt.
He tries to continue browsing.
I partly block his way and continue my polite request for him to leave.
The Tuk Tuk lady finished her cigarette and has been listening to this whole exchange. She is now in the store and standing in our vicinity. There is another customer, a genial, middle-aged black man browsing the videos. He views our exchange with some amusement.
Finally, the Bronx Bomber relents and walks out of the store. I’m just breathing a sigh of relief and beginning to laugh about with with Tuk Tuk lady and the other customer when he appears again. He throws the tape on the ground just inside the door and stomps on it, drowning out whatever tirade he may have been spewing. The other customer is upset and says to the Bomber, “Now why you gotta go do that?”
Without a word to him, I dial 911 and follow him out. I watch as he rambles down Smith St. and beginning reporting the incident. Though, technically, no crime has been committed, I feel better about calling.
Tuk Tuk lady, seeing me safely through it, laughs and heads back to her restaurant.
The male customer comes up to buy 2 videos, laughing, “You won’t have no trouble from me.” I laugh and pat him on the shoulder. He also tells me that he used to be a fighter and would’ve “taken care of him for me.” I thank him. “You can’t please everybody, huh? God bless!” He laughs and heads out.
Two minutes later, two cops show up (damn I love the 76th Precinct!). I tell them a condensed version of this story and they inform me that all I have here is an unhappy customer. They tell me to lock the door and call 911 if he shows up again. I describe him to them and they say they’ll have a talk with him if they see him.
I spent the rest of my shift milling around outside, trying to spy a glimpse of him, hand on the phone.
I go back behind the counter and retrieve the kid-sized wooden bat I got free at a Cyclones game. I take a couple swings in the store, trying to find a good grip.
Friday, September 12th, 2003
A middle-aged Latino guy with a ruddy face, bad haircut, and penchant for track suits comes into the store for the 5th time this week. He first came in to sell a bag full of crappy straight-to-video VHS tapes, most of them bootlegs. I turned him down despite his begging and faulty reasoning (but these are GOOD!) He ends up browsing and buying several tapes. Each time, he tries to bargain me down, sometimes, beyond reason (Let me have these three $5 tapes for $10!). I end up cutting him a small break and he leaves.
An hour later, he’s back to buy more tapes, again bargaining me down, talking about how he has to have $2 to get wall the way back to the Bronx.
The next day, he’s back, again with a plethora of plastic bags, again with his heroic stories of “coming all the way from the Bronx.” He buys a few DVDs and tapes. By now, I’m very sick of him and don’t budge on the prices at all, hoping my stinginess will drive his business elsewhere. No such luck. He offers to give me $10 for a $12 DVD and to give me the $2 later. I tell him I’ll hold the DVD for him until he has all of it. He leaves for a few minutes and comes back for the DVD.
Today, I’m outside talking to the owner of Tuk Tuk (a nearby Thai restaurant that I requent) about the trials and travails of small business. I see him coming and instinctively wanted to block the door. He’s holding the $2 copy of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids tape in his hands. He says he wants to exchange it because it was this other cartoon on it. I read the box and see that the tape includes a bonus Roger Rabbit short film. “I don’t wanna watch that! I bought it for the movie.” I resist the urge to laugh and tell him that he doesn’t HAVE TO watch it. Not understanding me, he says, “Well, I bought it for the movie, not that cartoon. It’s old, like from a hundred years ago.” I try to explain to him that I can’t exchange it for him for two reasons: One – Videos $2 and under we don’t exchange at all (pointing to the sign). Two – It’s not a legitimate reason for a return. Undeterred, he continues, “Well, if you had been honest with me to begin with, I wouldn’t have bought it.” I point to the picture on the box, “It says right here that it includes the Roger Rabbit cartoon.” Flustered, he replies, “I didn’t know what that was! I get it home and I have to sit through that before I can watch my movie!” I tell him he can always fast-forward through it. He looks at me like he’s not strong or smart enough to push that particular button on his remote. In fact, he looks as if he was unaware of that function altogether. I also suspect he might be illiterate.
Getting nowhere, I skip to my final answer: “Ok, you’re not gonna convince me and I’m not gonna convince you. Take the video and take your business elsewhere.”
Looking surprised that it’s come to this, he protests, “I can’t shop here?”
“No, you’re obviously unhappy with our store and we’re unhappy with dealing with you. So take your video and go.”
“I apologize. Look, let’s just put it all behind us.” He changes tact (or is schizophrenic).
“I don’t need your apology, just leave, please.”
“Look, I came all the way from the Bronx, it cost me $4 to get down here…”
“Then save your money and shop somewhere closer to you.” I interrupt.
He tries to continue browsing.
I partly block his way and continue my polite request for him to leave.
The Tuk Tuk lady finished her cigarette and has been listening to this whole exchange. She is now in the store and standing in our vicinity. There is another customer, a genial, middle-aged black man browsing the videos. He views our exchange with some amusement.
Finally, the Bronx Bomber relents and walks out of the store. I’m just breathing a sigh of relief and beginning to laugh about with with Tuk Tuk lady and the other customer when he appears again. He throws the tape on the ground just inside the door and stomps on it, drowning out whatever tirade he may have been spewing. The other customer is upset and says to the Bomber, “Now why you gotta go do that?”
Without a word to him, I dial 911 and follow him out. I watch as he rambles down Smith St. and beginning reporting the incident. Though, technically, no crime has been committed, I feel better about calling.
Tuk Tuk lady, seeing me safely through it, laughs and heads back to her restaurant.
The male customer comes up to buy 2 videos, laughing, “You won’t have no trouble from me.” I laugh and pat him on the shoulder. He also tells me that he used to be a fighter and would’ve “taken care of him for me.” I thank him. “You can’t please everybody, huh? God bless!” He laughs and heads out.
Two minutes later, two cops show up (damn I love the 76th Precinct!). I tell them a condensed version of this story and they inform me that all I have here is an unhappy customer. They tell me to lock the door and call 911 if he shows up again. I describe him to them and they say they’ll have a talk with him if they see him.
I spent the rest of my shift milling around outside, trying to spy a glimpse of him, hand on the phone.
I go back behind the counter and retrieve the kid-sized wooden bat I got free at a Cyclones game. I take a couple swings in the store, trying to find a good grip.
