Friday, October 24, 2003
Irresponsible & Unresponsive
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Guy comes in for the third time today trying to sell me crappy videos & DVDs. He comes in and says in a sing-song voice, “I couldn’t get into my father’s house so these are all I have…”
He pulls a bunch of DVDs and Videos out of his pants.
Disgusted, I ask him, “you don’t have a bag or anything?”
“No, it’s just I don’t want people seeing me selling videos or nothin’.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just not me, you know? I’m broke.”
I tell him I can only use one DVD and that I’ve turned down some of the other stuff already today.
He asks me if he can leave the unsold stuff here for a while.
“No, you should take ‘em with you.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re yours and I don’t want to be responsible for them.”
He stands and ponders this like it was the meaning of God, then goes over to the pile of Village Voice’s on the ground and starts to stash his DVDs behind them, saying, “You won’t be responsible.”
Fed up, I yell, “What are you doing?! This is not a storage facility.”
He sighs and picks up his stuff.
I give him a bag and he ambles out, promising to bring “better stuff”.
I consider getting a restraining order.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Guy comes in for the third time today trying to sell me crappy videos & DVDs. He comes in and says in a sing-song voice, “I couldn’t get into my father’s house so these are all I have…”
He pulls a bunch of DVDs and Videos out of his pants.
Disgusted, I ask him, “you don’t have a bag or anything?”
“No, it’s just I don’t want people seeing me selling videos or nothin’.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just not me, you know? I’m broke.”
I tell him I can only use one DVD and that I’ve turned down some of the other stuff already today.
He asks me if he can leave the unsold stuff here for a while.
“No, you should take ‘em with you.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re yours and I don’t want to be responsible for them.”
He stands and ponders this like it was the meaning of God, then goes over to the pile of Village Voice’s on the ground and starts to stash his DVDs behind them, saying, “You won’t be responsible.”
Fed up, I yell, “What are you doing?! This is not a storage facility.”
He sighs and picks up his stuff.
I give him a bag and he ambles out, promising to bring “better stuff”.
I consider getting a restraining order.
Don't They All Have Dwarves?
Friday, October 17, 2003
Couple gets Sleeping Beauty for their young son.
Husband: “Is this the one with the dwarves?”
Wife: “No, that’s Snow White.”
“What happens in this?”
“This young woman is cursed by a witch. She pricks her fingers and sleeps for 100 years and wakes up in a forest…”
“So much drama.”
Friday, October 17, 2003
Couple gets Sleeping Beauty for their young son.
Husband: “Is this the one with the dwarves?”
Wife: “No, that’s Snow White.”
“What happens in this?”
“This young woman is cursed by a witch. She pricks her fingers and sleeps for 100 years and wakes up in a forest…”
“So much drama.”
Night of the Singer
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Guy comes in, looks up at Night of the Hunter on the TV.
“Sounds like Judy Garland.”
“No, this is Night of the Hunter.”
“Well, it sounds like Judy Garland.”
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Guy comes in, looks up at Night of the Hunter on the TV.
“Sounds like Judy Garland.”
“No, this is Night of the Hunter.”
“Well, it sounds like Judy Garland.”
I've Got Seven Samurai and...
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Guy pointing up to Rashomon poster, “The director who did that movie – I have all his movies.”
“You have all 32 of his movies?”
“Oh… I have like 20-some. I didn’t know he had that many movies.”
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Guy pointing up to Rashomon poster, “The director who did that movie – I have all his movies.”
“You have all 32 of his movies?”
“Oh… I have like 20-some. I didn’t know he had that many movies.”
Forget Shaft, Here's Kissinger
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Guy holds up Trials of Henry Kissinger, “Have you seen this?”
“Yeah, it’s good.”
“Is it tainted?”
“What do you mean?”
“Does it have an agenda?”
“Well, yeah. It’ll unlearn some history you think you know about American and international history.”
Putting it back. “That’s a bad motherfucker.”
Girlfriend laughs, a little embarrassed.
“He is!” Guy reiterates. “He asked Barbara Walters if she had an STD. Anyone who sleeps with Barbara Walters has an STD. I think it’s considered an STD if you sleep with Barbara Walters."
As he walks out, he adds, "That guy did more for his country than the past 3 presidents.”
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Guy holds up Trials of Henry Kissinger, “Have you seen this?”
“Yeah, it’s good.”
“Is it tainted?”
“What do you mean?”
“Does it have an agenda?”
“Well, yeah. It’ll unlearn some history you think you know about American and international history.”
Putting it back. “That’s a bad motherfucker.”
Girlfriend laughs, a little embarrassed.
“He is!” Guy reiterates. “He asked Barbara Walters if she had an STD. Anyone who sleeps with Barbara Walters has an STD. I think it’s considered an STD if you sleep with Barbara Walters."
As he walks out, he adds, "That guy did more for his country than the past 3 presidents.”
Mistaken Trekdentities
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Guy walks in to return movie sees DeForest Kelley speaking in the movies Trekkies.
“George Takei! I love George Takei!”
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Guy walks in to return movie sees DeForest Kelley speaking in the movies Trekkies.
“George Takei! I love George Takei!”
Free Your Mind...
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Guy walks by the store with some friends, points up at the sign, “How do they make money if it’s free?”
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Guy walks by the store with some friends, points up at the sign, “How do they make money if it’s free?”
Dan Wu Versus the Bronx Bomber
Friday, September 12th, 2003
A middle-aged Latino guy with a ruddy face, bad haircut, and penchant for track suits comes into the store for the 5th time this week. He first came in to sell a bag full of crappy straight-to-video VHS tapes, most of them bootlegs. I turned him down despite his begging and faulty reasoning (but these are GOOD!) He ends up browsing and buying several tapes. Each time, he tries to bargain me down, sometimes, beyond reason (Let me have these three $5 tapes for $10!). I end up cutting him a small break and he leaves.
An hour later, he’s back to buy more tapes, again bargaining me down, talking about how he has to have $2 to get wall the way back to the Bronx.
The next day, he’s back, again with a plethora of plastic bags, again with his heroic stories of “coming all the way from the Bronx.” He buys a few DVDs and tapes. By now, I’m very sick of him and don’t budge on the prices at all, hoping my stinginess will drive his business elsewhere. No such luck. He offers to give me $10 for a $12 DVD and to give me the $2 later. I tell him I’ll hold the DVD for him until he has all of it. He leaves for a few minutes and comes back for the DVD.
Today, I’m outside talking to the owner of Tuk Tuk (a nearby Thai restaurant that I requent) about the trials and travails of small business. I see him coming and instinctively wanted to block the door. He’s holding the $2 copy of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids tape in his hands. He says he wants to exchange it because it was this other cartoon on it. I read the box and see that the tape includes a bonus Roger Rabbit short film. “I don’t wanna watch that! I bought it for the movie.” I resist the urge to laugh and tell him that he doesn’t HAVE TO watch it. Not understanding me, he says, “Well, I bought it for the movie, not that cartoon. It’s old, like from a hundred years ago.” I try to explain to him that I can’t exchange it for him for two reasons: One – Videos $2 and under we don’t exchange at all (pointing to the sign). Two – It’s not a legitimate reason for a return. Undeterred, he continues, “Well, if you had been honest with me to begin with, I wouldn’t have bought it.” I point to the picture on the box, “It says right here that it includes the Roger Rabbit cartoon.” Flustered, he replies, “I didn’t know what that was! I get it home and I have to sit through that before I can watch my movie!” I tell him he can always fast-forward through it. He looks at me like he’s not strong or smart enough to push that particular button on his remote. In fact, he looks as if he was unaware of that function altogether. I also suspect he might be illiterate.
Getting nowhere, I skip to my final answer: “Ok, you’re not gonna convince me and I’m not gonna convince you. Take the video and take your business elsewhere.”
Looking surprised that it’s come to this, he protests, “I can’t shop here?”
“No, you’re obviously unhappy with our store and we’re unhappy with dealing with you. So take your video and go.”
“I apologize. Look, let’s just put it all behind us.” He changes tact (or is schizophrenic).
“I don’t need your apology, just leave, please.”
“Look, I came all the way from the Bronx, it cost me $4 to get down here…”
“Then save your money and shop somewhere closer to you.” I interrupt.
He tries to continue browsing.
I partly block his way and continue my polite request for him to leave.
The Tuk Tuk lady finished her cigarette and has been listening to this whole exchange. She is now in the store and standing in our vicinity. There is another customer, a genial, middle-aged black man browsing the videos. He views our exchange with some amusement.
Finally, the Bronx Bomber relents and walks out of the store. I’m just breathing a sigh of relief and beginning to laugh about with with Tuk Tuk lady and the other customer when he appears again. He throws the tape on the ground just inside the door and stomps on it, drowning out whatever tirade he may have been spewing. The other customer is upset and says to the Bomber, “Now why you gotta go do that?”
Without a word to him, I dial 911 and follow him out. I watch as he rambles down Smith St. and beginning reporting the incident. Though, technically, no crime has been committed, I feel better about calling.
Tuk Tuk lady, seeing me safely through it, laughs and heads back to her restaurant.
The male customer comes up to buy 2 videos, laughing, “You won’t have no trouble from me.” I laugh and pat him on the shoulder. He also tells me that he used to be a fighter and would’ve “taken care of him for me.” I thank him. “You can’t please everybody, huh? God bless!” He laughs and heads out.
Two minutes later, two cops show up (damn I love the 76th Precinct!). I tell them a condensed version of this story and they inform me that all I have here is an unhappy customer. They tell me to lock the door and call 911 if he shows up again. I describe him to them and they say they’ll have a talk with him if they see him.
I spent the rest of my shift milling around outside, trying to spy a glimpse of him, hand on the phone.
I go back behind the counter and retrieve the kid-sized wooden bat I got free at a Cyclones game. I take a couple swings in the store, trying to find a good grip.
Friday, September 12th, 2003
A middle-aged Latino guy with a ruddy face, bad haircut, and penchant for track suits comes into the store for the 5th time this week. He first came in to sell a bag full of crappy straight-to-video VHS tapes, most of them bootlegs. I turned him down despite his begging and faulty reasoning (but these are GOOD!) He ends up browsing and buying several tapes. Each time, he tries to bargain me down, sometimes, beyond reason (Let me have these three $5 tapes for $10!). I end up cutting him a small break and he leaves.
An hour later, he’s back to buy more tapes, again bargaining me down, talking about how he has to have $2 to get wall the way back to the Bronx.
The next day, he’s back, again with a plethora of plastic bags, again with his heroic stories of “coming all the way from the Bronx.” He buys a few DVDs and tapes. By now, I’m very sick of him and don’t budge on the prices at all, hoping my stinginess will drive his business elsewhere. No such luck. He offers to give me $10 for a $12 DVD and to give me the $2 later. I tell him I’ll hold the DVD for him until he has all of it. He leaves for a few minutes and comes back for the DVD.
Today, I’m outside talking to the owner of Tuk Tuk (a nearby Thai restaurant that I requent) about the trials and travails of small business. I see him coming and instinctively wanted to block the door. He’s holding the $2 copy of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids tape in his hands. He says he wants to exchange it because it was this other cartoon on it. I read the box and see that the tape includes a bonus Roger Rabbit short film. “I don’t wanna watch that! I bought it for the movie.” I resist the urge to laugh and tell him that he doesn’t HAVE TO watch it. Not understanding me, he says, “Well, I bought it for the movie, not that cartoon. It’s old, like from a hundred years ago.” I try to explain to him that I can’t exchange it for him for two reasons: One – Videos $2 and under we don’t exchange at all (pointing to the sign). Two – It’s not a legitimate reason for a return. Undeterred, he continues, “Well, if you had been honest with me to begin with, I wouldn’t have bought it.” I point to the picture on the box, “It says right here that it includes the Roger Rabbit cartoon.” Flustered, he replies, “I didn’t know what that was! I get it home and I have to sit through that before I can watch my movie!” I tell him he can always fast-forward through it. He looks at me like he’s not strong or smart enough to push that particular button on his remote. In fact, he looks as if he was unaware of that function altogether. I also suspect he might be illiterate.
Getting nowhere, I skip to my final answer: “Ok, you’re not gonna convince me and I’m not gonna convince you. Take the video and take your business elsewhere.”
Looking surprised that it’s come to this, he protests, “I can’t shop here?”
“No, you’re obviously unhappy with our store and we’re unhappy with dealing with you. So take your video and go.”
“I apologize. Look, let’s just put it all behind us.” He changes tact (or is schizophrenic).
“I don’t need your apology, just leave, please.”
“Look, I came all the way from the Bronx, it cost me $4 to get down here…”
“Then save your money and shop somewhere closer to you.” I interrupt.
He tries to continue browsing.
I partly block his way and continue my polite request for him to leave.
The Tuk Tuk lady finished her cigarette and has been listening to this whole exchange. She is now in the store and standing in our vicinity. There is another customer, a genial, middle-aged black man browsing the videos. He views our exchange with some amusement.
Finally, the Bronx Bomber relents and walks out of the store. I’m just breathing a sigh of relief and beginning to laugh about with with Tuk Tuk lady and the other customer when he appears again. He throws the tape on the ground just inside the door and stomps on it, drowning out whatever tirade he may have been spewing. The other customer is upset and says to the Bomber, “Now why you gotta go do that?”
Without a word to him, I dial 911 and follow him out. I watch as he rambles down Smith St. and beginning reporting the incident. Though, technically, no crime has been committed, I feel better about calling.
Tuk Tuk lady, seeing me safely through it, laughs and heads back to her restaurant.
The male customer comes up to buy 2 videos, laughing, “You won’t have no trouble from me.” I laugh and pat him on the shoulder. He also tells me that he used to be a fighter and would’ve “taken care of him for me.” I thank him. “You can’t please everybody, huh? God bless!” He laughs and heads out.
Two minutes later, two cops show up (damn I love the 76th Precinct!). I tell them a condensed version of this story and they inform me that all I have here is an unhappy customer. They tell me to lock the door and call 911 if he shows up again. I describe him to them and they say they’ll have a talk with him if they see him.
I spent the rest of my shift milling around outside, trying to spy a glimpse of him, hand on the phone.
I go back behind the counter and retrieve the kid-sized wooden bat I got free at a Cyclones game. I take a couple swings in the store, trying to find a good grip.
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Monday, September 8th, 2003
She's Gotta Have It
A middle-aged black woman comes in. “Lemme ask you something, what do you need to take out movies?”
“A driver’s license and a VISA or Mastercard.”
Looking stunned, “I don’t drive.”
“Well, then a state-issued ID.”
“I don’t drive.”
“Right, they have these cards that look exactly like driver’s licenses but aren’t.”
“A non-driver’s license?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok, lemme see. Cuz man, I gotta do something. How many movies can I check out?”
“Well, I usually don’t recommend people check out more than four at a time.”
“Lemme ask you, if I go to the library, can I use my library card?
“What?”
“My library card.”
“You mean here?”
“Yeah.”
“No, sorry.”
“Ok, I got it here, lemme get it out.” She struggles to get it out of her wallet but cannot. “Oh man, I got it stapled in here.”
I look at her state ID through the clear plastic sleeve. “Yeah, that’s fine but I also need a credit card.”
She stares at me like I just spoke Farsi. “I don’t have that!”
“Well, we need that also.”
“I got the non-driver’s license right here.”
“I know, but I also need a VISA or Mastercard.”
“I don’t have that. Man, I gotta do something. I wish I could eat.” She looks at me like I should understand exactly what she’s talking about. “Let me tell you, I’m going through something. So I can’t take any movies out?”
“Not without a credit card on file.”
“I can’t just get one movie?”
“No, sorry.”
“Oh alright. I almost had it didn’t I? Alright then.”
She's Gotta Have It
A middle-aged black woman comes in. “Lemme ask you something, what do you need to take out movies?”
“A driver’s license and a VISA or Mastercard.”
Looking stunned, “I don’t drive.”
“Well, then a state-issued ID.”
“I don’t drive.”
“Right, they have these cards that look exactly like driver’s licenses but aren’t.”
“A non-driver’s license?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok, lemme see. Cuz man, I gotta do something. How many movies can I check out?”
“Well, I usually don’t recommend people check out more than four at a time.”
“Lemme ask you, if I go to the library, can I use my library card?
“What?”
“My library card.”
“You mean here?”
“Yeah.”
“No, sorry.”
“Ok, I got it here, lemme get it out.” She struggles to get it out of her wallet but cannot. “Oh man, I got it stapled in here.”
I look at her state ID through the clear plastic sleeve. “Yeah, that’s fine but I also need a credit card.”
She stares at me like I just spoke Farsi. “I don’t have that!”
“Well, we need that also.”
“I got the non-driver’s license right here.”
“I know, but I also need a VISA or Mastercard.”
“I don’t have that. Man, I gotta do something. I wish I could eat.” She looks at me like I should understand exactly what she’s talking about. “Let me tell you, I’m going through something. So I can’t take any movies out?”
“Not without a credit card on file.”
“I can’t just get one movie?”
“No, sorry.”
“Oh alright. I almost had it didn’t I? Alright then.”
Friday, August 29th, 2003
Renting Movies, Reading Minds
Girl brings in a stack of Arthur (free arts paper) to put in our free papers and flyers area.
“Hi.” She says.
“How’s it going?”
“What?”
“How’s it going?”
“Do you know me?”
“No…”
“Did you just say ‘Hi Kendra’? Cuz that’s my name.”
“No, I said ‘How’s it going’.”
“Oh. God. Okay, bye.”
Renting Movies, Reading Minds
Girl brings in a stack of Arthur (free arts paper) to put in our free papers and flyers area.
“Hi.” She says.
“How’s it going?”
“What?”
“How’s it going?”
“Do you know me?”
“No…”
“Did you just say ‘Hi Kendra’? Cuz that’s my name.”
“No, I said ‘How’s it going’.”
“Oh. God. Okay, bye.”
Saturday, August 23rd, 2003
All Toad, No Prince
Guy is filling out a membership application. He checks the box labeled “I allow the youths under 17 on my account to rent R or NC-17 rated movies”. He obviously has no kids, much less 17-year olds.
“Oh yeah, I’m gonna let ALL the youths on my account rent R-rated stuff!” He looks to me for a reaction to his clever comment. I give him my inscrutable Oriental look of blankness.
I enter him into the system as his girlfriend brings up CANE TOADS to rent. She asks him for money and he gives her a hard time about it, “Well, I’m not going to like it.” He moans, “I’m just going to make mean comments about it all night.”
Girlfriend sighs, “Yeah, I know.”
All Toad, No Prince
Guy is filling out a membership application. He checks the box labeled “I allow the youths under 17 on my account to rent R or NC-17 rated movies”. He obviously has no kids, much less 17-year olds.
“Oh yeah, I’m gonna let ALL the youths on my account rent R-rated stuff!” He looks to me for a reaction to his clever comment. I give him my inscrutable Oriental look of blankness.
I enter him into the system as his girlfriend brings up CANE TOADS to rent. She asks him for money and he gives her a hard time about it, “Well, I’m not going to like it.” He moans, “I’m just going to make mean comments about it all night.”
Girlfriend sighs, “Yeah, I know.”
Friday, August 20th, 2003
Shoulda Had A V-8
Guy tries several times to push the door open (it sticks in the humidity). After a few failed attempts, he gives up and peers through the window. I go and open the door for him.
“Push harder, huh?” He says.
“Yup.”
“You sell sodas?”
“Uh, no.”
“Ok, thanks.”
Shoulda Had A V-8
Guy tries several times to push the door open (it sticks in the humidity). After a few failed attempts, he gives up and peers through the window. I go and open the door for him.
“Push harder, huh?” He says.
“Yup.”
“You sell sodas?”
“Uh, no.”
“Ok, thanks.”
Friday, August 15th, 2003
Meet Mrs. Grimes
A woman comes up to the counter and spots the Kwik E Mart diorama.
She presses the buttons and the recorded voices ring out:
“Welcome to the Kwik E Mart.”
“I assume you’re a Simpsons fan?
Yup.
Did you ever see the Frank Grimes episode?
Yeah.
They’re coming out with a Frank Grimes action figure soon.
Oh yeah?
Yeah, he’s my favorite non-regular character. That’s my favorite episode ever. What’s your favorite episode?
Uh, can’t think of one off-hand.
She continues pressing the buttons and wears out Apu & Homer’s three sayings each.
Yeah, that’s about all they’ve got.
She presses the buttons a few more times before leaving.
Meet Mrs. Grimes
A woman comes up to the counter and spots the Kwik E Mart diorama.
She presses the buttons and the recorded voices ring out:
“Welcome to the Kwik E Mart.”
“I assume you’re a Simpsons fan?
Yup.
Did you ever see the Frank Grimes episode?
Yeah.
They’re coming out with a Frank Grimes action figure soon.
Oh yeah?
Yeah, he’s my favorite non-regular character. That’s my favorite episode ever. What’s your favorite episode?
Uh, can’t think of one off-hand.
She continues pressing the buttons and wears out Apu & Homer’s three sayings each.
Yeah, that’s about all they’ve got.
She presses the buttons a few more times before leaving.
